Wednesday, October 1, 2014


Last night I discovered I have my voice back. And before you get too confused, you have to know I'm not referring to my verbal voice. This is my sharing voice, the voice that prompts creativity and the written word and all kinds of fun like that. 

I've had no words since April, or, well .. a smattering here and a couple there but really no words at all... My mind has been rushing around while full and blank all at the same time. 

Instead of getting too frustrated about it, I rolled with it. I spent time reading a little, and spent time in silence, and I walked my dogs and I was home. 

Our family got along well this summer; despite having two full-time working parents, the girls seemed to thrive! They started finding ways to spend their time without us; visiting aunties and volunteering. 

Despite that, I felt an increasing level of mom guilt as summer wore on. I made sure to do all those things that I know are good, cooking with them and TV with them and reading them and talking to them and walking with them and yet… I still felt guilt. 

Just being brutally honest here. I don't believe in any way that is my job to make my daughters happy at every moment.  I also believe that they're doing quite well despite my failures and my feelings of guilt. 

Life in the balance. We are created with all kinds of things - skills and abilities, tasks and interests, likes and dislikes, roles and responsibilities... Sometimes two or more intersect in a way that is more like a collision. It's hard not to be bitter or frustrated or angry or upset; but if we trust that each season has a purpose and objective, and with the Lord as our king, we can do it. Here's to next summer and doing better and feeling less guilt. 

I still prefer fall!

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