I've had no words since April, or, well .. a smattering here and a couple there but really no words at all... My mind has been rushing around while full and blank all at the same time.
Instead of getting too frustrated about it, I rolled with it. I spent time reading a little, and spent time in silence, and I walked my dogs and I was home.
Our family got along well this summer; despite having two full-time working parents, the girls seemed to thrive! They started finding ways to spend their time without us; visiting aunties and volunteering.
Despite that, I felt an increasing level of mom guilt as summer wore on. I made sure to do all those things that I know are good, cooking with them and TV with them and reading them and talking to them and walking with them and yet… I still felt guilt.
Just being brutally honest here. I don't believe in any way that is my job to make my daughters happy at every moment. I also believe that they're doing quite well despite my failures and my feelings of guilt.
Life in the balance. We are created with all kinds of things - skills and abilities, tasks and interests, likes and dislikes, roles and responsibilities... Sometimes two or more intersect in a way that is more like a collision. It's hard not to be bitter or frustrated or angry or upset; but if we trust that each season has a purpose and objective, and with the Lord as our king, we can do it. Here's to next summer and doing better and feeling less guilt.
I still prefer fall!
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