Tuesday, December 31, 2013


winter hiking is amazing
Since I'm no pro, and I've only managed to get to 36 by the skin of my teeth, I have one thing to say at the end of 2013...

Don't make unattainable goals! You will Fail!

rachel traveling on her own...
One day this past year I thought I would blog regularly again, surely, as I'm full of amazing bits and bites and thoughts and sparks...

Alas, that day never really materialized, as I also realized (albeit on a different day) that I am really at my best after a series of days disconnected and unencumbered by this life. Thus, you may find one to three things that made sense and a whole lot that didn't. Such is. Happy New Year!
downtown pdx christmas tree
emily is learning to drive

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


Wrapping the landscape in gauze
Hiding in plain sight
the flower
the tree
the star and everything between.

Obscuring season
Blind wandering
Aimless and pathless
without direction or hope.

This is fog. Not every day is like this.

Heightened sense of alertness - wait...
Sudden brilliance
The fog lifts

Take courage and press through the fog.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

I am a Woman

Women, there is a dangerous current on the wind - deadly, evil, painful and damaging. It whips in and through and around like a harmless breeze, but its hooks are barbed and the pain is only felt when it is gone...


Your only worth and only value are truly found in being home with your children
Your only worth and only value are truly found in bringing home a paycheck
Your only worth and only value are truly found in being married
Your only worth and only value are truly found in being single
Your only worth and only value is found in childbearing
Your only worth and only value is found in being childless
Your only worth and only value is found in adoption
Your only worth and only value is found in missions
Your only worth and only value is found in ministry
Your only worth and only value is found in your education
Your only worth and only value is found in looking perfect
Your only worth and only value is found in keeping a spotless house
Your only worth and only value is found in doing everything for your children
Your only worth and only value is found when your children are off to college

Your only worth and only value is found when YOUR DAUGHTERS get married, stay home and raise children of their own while YOUR SONS get married, work, and pay the bills. 


I am not a paycheck mommy and You do not stay home so you can properly operate a sponge mop.


Enough of these lies. Stop spreading them, believing them, passing them along, and living them.

Rather, live in truth. There is no perfect biblical model for a family - God calls each of us into a unique relationship with him. God calls people - families and singles - into places where others think them foolish and wrong. His opportunities and His desires for you, well - they probably won't look like mine. No other person can accurately give you the truth of Gods plan for YOUR life. Please, for the sake of the Gospel, for the sake of sisterhood and womanhood and for all of our children - do not believe these lies.

Your identity is in Christ. Your value, worth, and life are found hidden in Christ. There is no church that can give you life as Christ can, no employer, no spouse, no children, no friends.

Pursue life.

Prepare for an adventure that you could never imagine.

As for me, I am grateful. I am humbled. I weep. I mourn. These lies are so dangerous and painful I wish I could mute them. I wish I could pause at your table, sit with you, and say - YOU ARE BELOVED. There is this amazing God, he loves you so. He has your life in his hands, and He knows your heart. He created you - fashioned you, and knows you intimately. Trust Him. Give him your tired, your lonely, your pain. Give him your hopes and dreams and know that he will work out a masterpiece with you. 

Thursday, November 28, 2013

On the Reading Stack

Here we are, heading into winter. I'm reading a stack of books and so here is the share:

Advent with Evelyn Underhill (on recommend!)
Mansions of the Heart by R Thomas Ashbrook
Home Tonight by Henri Nouwen
Rashi by Elie Wiesel
The Excellency of Christ by Jonathon Edwards
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard
That Man is You by Louis Evely
and hoping to finish A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life by William Law

After this stack, I will get back to Catching Fire and maybe find some fun fiction.
Should be a good season!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Woodsmoke and Moonlight

I open my door; dark, quiet space yawns ahead of me.
Stepping out, I breathe deeply of the cool evening air. It is night.

Time fades as I walk, pausing periodically to look, really look about.
A hint of woodsmoke on the air, our attempt to keep the chill at bay.
The moon shines brightly out in the open, a great spotlight revealing that which prefers shadow.

And I walk on.

Thoughts from the day flit through my mind as I walk, steadily pacing now with no destination and plenty of time.

Pausing is a challenge in this season of my soul.

Thinking of woodsmoke, I realize how pervasive it is. One moment near a fire and the scent lingers on your clothes, your hair, your skin. I realize how easily it is for a good thing, like warmth, to overtake your senses so that you lose track of other, equally important things. How simple we are, really.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Jesus Feminist part deux

The heart of the matter is Jesus....

I have had friends say "what is it with this feminist thing?" This saddens me, as I don't believe any different than I did yesterday.... This feminist thing has been on my mind as long as I've been a believer. I was raised to ask questions, and questions I ask. I was given an opportunity to pursue life, and life I pursue.

Arguing sides in the gender debate isn't the point of our life here on earth, but (from my perspective at least) a major distraction from the enemy.  Ultimately... gifting, calling, and roles are given by God. I see no scriptural evidence to the contrary.
Consider for a moment the greatest point in Christian history. The word became flesh and dwelt among us, keeping his eyes fixed on purpose, even though he was hated, rejected, and crucified by those people that were considered to be wise on earth. Radically counter-cultural, he spoke and demons fled. He spoke and dead men rose. He didn't seem very concerned with the opinion of the religious institution of the day. His calling was laid out before him and he walked it.
I think what is happening is that time is coming into focus and many are being awakened. This generation is no longer content sitting idle, but rather compelled to truly live! Live your calling, live your life. No matter whether at home, at work, in the church, or in nature - pursue Jesus with all of your heart, soul mind and strength. This is the greatest commandment. This is the call on our life, and to deny that calling is to deny the Christ we believe in.

To be fair, we have a long way to go. Heaven is not in my backyard. I know there is a difficulty for some who study the bible... This difficulty stems from what I believe is the same root that led the Israelites away from seeing Christ as the Messiah. The good news is that we are no longer waiting on a Messiah, but rather a returning triumphant king. I don't have point/counterpoint references to back this up, but just a sense of the story.

One thing I know with confidence, we MUST encourage one another to press on. Press on so as to run with endurance the race set before us. Not the race others set before us, the race that is comfortable for them to have in their proximity, but the race that has been designed for you. Just a little warning here, yours may not be the most popular race... it may be filled with diapers and sticky fingers, or it may be filled with beatings and martyrdom. Run your race anyway. Connect as you can, and we will hold up your tired arms.

The words of scripture are not just words on a page to study and dissect, but LIFE giving nourishment. What good news! Some of us relate with Mary, Martha, or the woman at the well, others to the disciples of Christ. Still others, Barnabas or Prisca or Mary or Paul. Each story unique and yet, not entirely disconnected. There is a thread that ties us all together...

His name is Jesus.

So, I will say it again... yes...
I am a Jesus Feminist. 


Mary believed in her vocation, and gave herself to it, immediately, and with every fiber of her being... She didn't ask herself whether or not her lowly existence was compatible with the announcement just made to her... Louis Evely (that man is you)
To have the faith of Mary...

Friday, November 22, 2013

This is ME!

So - I'm thinking of updating all this a bit. I'm learning a lot this season - I'm learning to ...

go with the flow regarding selfies...

Eat with my hands...

and convince my dearest coffee people to take my picture so I don't have to attempt selfies anymore!

I'm 36 and my heart beats to the beat of a different drum. The two eldest are going to learn to drive this winter, so I can spend my limited time reading, writing, talking, and walking my dogs in the wind. I love hymns, loud music, anything by Pavarotti or performed on the strings... I have a special affection for the airborne toxic event and snow patrol...I love listening to passionate people, regardless of gender, race, or creed - they make me think and their passion is attractive. We should all be passionate about the things we love!  I love Jesus and his work in my life has made me who I am. I believe that all people have value and worth,  that there is a way even if it is invisible to you, and that grace is free.  I've added Jesus Feminist to my list of "titles" but some others are mom, wife, and friend... Sometimes I do crazy stuff, I'm usually not perfect, but I'm me. Fully, and 100% always me.... the introverted extrovert who had to tattoo a reminder of Gods faithfulness on her wrist...

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

on being right

I have a friend who is going to be in the upcoming show, the importance of being earnest. He is playing Lady Bracknell ... which I'm sure will be excellent... and I can scarcely wait to see...

I digress. Or do I?

Being right... When I think about being right I actually think about being earnest...
Old English in origin: meaning sincere, genuine, kind with an ability to explode into rage if a loved one is threatened.
genuine. Ah, there it is, for the play.

exploding into rage, that's what we talk of today.

there was a quarrel yesterday, rapidly escalating, like a tennis match. the players in the scene were exploding, it was painful to observe. my role was to be the third voice.

i wasn't very confident in the proceedings until the results were in. as suspected, there were two losers... there was an element of absolute truth on both sides, and an element of profound error.

what struck me about this situation was how this was the best way. certainly not the battle, but the answer. of course there isn't a clear victor this side of things. of course we can't stand and defend with absolute authority things only God really knows. we see through a mirror dimly, and with our limited vision, we are still blind.  however, in the process of pursuing Christ, we must walk as he did...
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. (Philippians 2)
What is of higher value? Being right, or having the same mine and the same love? Our own interests, or being a light?

Monday, November 18, 2013

we are family

i love how there are some people who are able to help you see things so much more clearly...

in my musings of late i have been pondering so much... stuff.

should i stay or should i go now...
if i go there will be trouble..
if i stay there will be double!

i live in a community of castles, brick walls, gates. i know with confidence i am to be here, now, but my energies are waning. how do you really live in full community when the very people you love live in a small box? when you believe in a god that is so much bigger than any of our tiny imaginations could grasp...

Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
(hymn - the love of god -  http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/l/o/loveofgo.htm)

i was able to get out with my girl asia again last night. i'm starting to catch a glimpse of how people can say they find jesus in the woods. i'm not there, i do believe in the communion of the saints, and the importance of the gathering, but on the other hand... when there are no barriers between us, no expectations or watching or programs or structures... i find that there is room at the table for all...

i am grateful for the family - for the words of friends, saints, who walk with their eyes fixed on jesus in the midst of everything around them, and find the third way...

Sunday, November 17, 2013


the sky was bright with the reflected light of the moon. rainless and quiet, i was able to walk in peace and breathe the clear evening air. i walked for over an hour, neither asia nor i wanting to come back home...

being a hermit sounds rather nice.

finding christ, GOD, in the midst of the busy is hard.

years ago i found my deepest peace at the edge of a cliff, overlooking a private canyon, where i could pray and sing and cry and smoke and breathe ... there is that breathing again, seems to be a necessity.

this was before, of course, before the marriage, the kids, the job, the house, the dogs, the bills, the tasks, the giving...

i think of david, out there with his sheep at night. i wonder if he was a bit like me, someone who, for all intents and purposes looks like a raging extrovert, yet who finds their deepest rest in silence, alone with creation, with GOD.

i wonder if, as he aged and his life was changed and the world was no longer before him but at his very feet, i wonder if he would remember the quiet moments of the past. i wonder if, sometimes, he would sneak out and find a quiet space.

as we gather, we who believe in christ, we say the words and talk the talk and sing the songs, even, but it feels so brief, so much like a whisper on wind... not enough, not nearly enough, for the weight of life.

i'm beginning to grasp the need for sabbath.

Monday, November 11, 2013

a moment of remembrance

my favorite moments are those outside at just past dusk when you can hear the wind in the trees and you feel as if you cannot breathe enough of this clean air before darkness pushes you into the safety of your walls. at these moments, i remember...

and remembrance brings joy. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Don't touch my favorite psalm!

I've told my husband if I ever hear a preacher start in on my favorite psalm I will leave.

*sigh* I am rather immature at times!

This psalm has been the way forward for me - in so many ways - and I can do no justice to it or the memory of the teaching... so instead of attempting I will give a shout to Bo Stern for digging deep into this psalm at George Fox University a couple years ago, and I will simply share the words...

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? 
My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and earth. 

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 

The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. 
The sun shall not strike you by day; nor the moon by night. 

The Lord will keep you from all evil, he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. 
Forevermore. Remember to live life in light of eternity.

Saturday, November 9, 2013


Experiences in the church are as varied as the genetic code of each human. Mine were painted by God, as much as yours or your neighbors...

My first church experience - at 7yrs old - was initiated by my mom who felt it very important that my brother and I learn something from church. In hindsight she may have just been longing for a couple hours peace. No matter, she dropped our small selves in front of the catholic church in our neighborhood. I remember everyone being dressed up very fancy, the water, the candles,  the quiet room in the back, the kneelers, the ceremony, and afterwards, the table covered in donuts and cookies with basket for the offering, All from a season of my life in which my memory is almost blank.

This season didn't last long, maybe a year or maybe months...  I told a friend of mine that I first met Jesus with the lure of sugar, as that table of treats has always been on my mind when I think of my childhood.

This experience as a child is what I draw back to when I think of childrens ministry. For all that I do not remember, I do know that I was freely able to come, participate, and stay. We were, at some point, settled in the quiet room, but I cannot recall why or how often, as I also recall the pews and kneelers.

I am concerned that the western church is losing sight of the open eyes of children for the sake of security and perfection. sigh. Let the little children come to me, Jesus told his disciples...

Years went by before Jesus came to our door again, this time dressed as a brother from a local baptist church bus ministry, offering candy and a bus ride to church.  Once again, sugar.. Again I remember people all dressed up fancy, but this time I remember classrooms, and a very large stage and pulpit. I remember everyone named brother this or sister that and, being about 11, feeling very ashamed of my clothing. I suppose I've always been a little odd...so I played my viola and learned some sunday school songs and then, again, this season ended... Thirteen is far too cool to be riding a church bus, playing viola, and singing sunday school songs.

Jesus doesn't let us go. More years, and the sugar came in the form of an open door and grace...

This summer our family lost a dear loved one. His funeral was held in his church, a lutheran church, and as much as I was there in support of the family and to honor his life, I have to confess that the funeral for me was like a breath of fresh air. Twenty years a foursquare/baptist, and I realize I am weary of the lack of heritage & depth that I find in this place. I suppose it is my own making, as I read mystics and monks and poets and presbyterians (for goodness sake!) as much as I read the old testament and love the hebrew and find my favorite moments with my daughters when we kneel in communion once a month. I kneel because I'm the most flexible, and because in doing so we can put our heads together and one of us girls can pray.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. (Psalms 84: 1-2)

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Hi, I'm Lanelle and I'm a Jesus Feminist

Feminism: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes 

The phrase "Jesus Feminist" has been floating around the web for months as a gracious, creative woman named Sarah chose to write a book. The book is titled Jesus Feminist ... and it is being released today.

This title is causing a tremendous wave of criticism and uproar... As if words cannot be properly understood any longer.....

With that, I declare myself a Jesus Feminist. 

I am Jesus Feminist because...

All people were created in the image of God & Jesus died on the cross for all of us.
God is the one who knits together and gives good gifts. I am not broken for being born female. I am not broken for having a mind, gifts, talents, and abilities...
Love and Respect are real 
Because the whole law is fulfilled in one word "you shall love your neighbor as yourself"
People die every day without hearing the truth and name of Jesus.
Whole families die every day all around the world for a lack of water and food
Women die every day as a result of withheld medical care 
Girls like Malala Yousafzai are brave enough to risk everything for an education
Women in third world nations are changing their communities by working together
Because women are still treated as property and rape is still common
Because women in our senate worked together against our government shutdown
Because I truly believe women need to step up and stand up and stop throwing their lives away - Boys need fathers not just baby-daddys
Because lists of what women can and cannot do just make me ill. Scripture is already written - do we need man-made lists?
Because I am thankful that my grandmothers generation fought for the right to vote
 We are the light to the world

Because way back in Numbers God gives a provision to women when making a vow before the Lord.  God could have simply said that women cannot make vows. What I see in this passage is a loving father who desires women and men to be in relationship with him.

Because I have three daughters. They are very important to me, and I hope they are never derailed by the war of words and definitions. My desire is that they would fix their eyes on Jesus and pursue him wholly - no matter what call he places on their life - no matter what people think - no matter what the institutional church says. Throughout scripture there are stories of men and women recklessly and fearlessly living life. That is what I want for all of our young men and women.. our sons and our daughters ... That is why I am a Jesus Feminist.

This post is part of the BEAUTIFUL Sarah Bessey's synchroblog to celebrate the release of her amazing new book, Jesus Feminist. Calling men and women to stand together for God's Kingdom come. Find the original post here.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Falling Back

This morning time fell back, and took my sleep with it.

Tis the season of the chill - of the woodsmoke and the rain - the whole of it all preparing for dormancy. Tis the season of books, boots, and blankets. I'm already plotting a visit to warmer climes..

On books. I'm reading Barbara Kingsolver "Flight Behavior" and Lauren Winner "Girl Meets God" - Annie Dillard "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek" is next up on the kindle, and my copy of Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey will arrive on Friday (I hope!)

I'm reading the old testament - taking time to consider the lives of the israelites as they wander through leviticus, numbers, and deuteronomy. My goal for this fall is to read the whole old testament. I'm burned out on Paul, honestly, and his church instruction. I wanted to get back to the roots of it all.

I pulled an old friend off the bookshelf to rebuild some rhythms. I think my house is as homey as its going to get and I need to find a way to settle into it. You are 18 months in, Lanelle, 18 months in. 18 to go, give or take, before you can consider the walks and trees of a neighborhood house... learn to live in the moment you are in. My old friend? Oh yes, Disciplines for the Inner Life.

Today is communion sunday. Communion in this place is hard, as it seems I cannot pause deep enough to find the sacrament in the method. Ah well. this is where I am and here I stay until further notice.

The eldest is on an adventure all alone. Sixteen years old, cash in her pocket and a passport in her hand... she traveled alone by train to see her friend in Tacoma. A mere 3 hour train ride, but for the momma - buying adult train tickets with her girl - its a jolt.

Not impressed with the thought that that I'm edging toward 40 and an empty nest. In the midst of this, how can we fathom that?

Thursday, October 31, 2013

When we were on fire

"Looking at the tops of clouds, their puffy lacy-ness, just makes me think of how many years God was the only one to see the world and clouds from such a height." March 2006

There was a day before that day - the day when my christian naivete burst like a balloon and the hard reality of living as a small town christian woman lay before...

Ironically, that day I was not on fire. Nor have I yet been. But I'm living at a slow smolder. I've seen the promised land, tasted the fruit, and found it good.

"Now listen, I created you, the way you are - ordained the circumstances of your life and put you where you are because I love you. I don't make junk. You are mine, and if I decide that you are to be in vinyl repair or a turnip farmer, this is my plan for you, and it will be best for you and for my plan. I don't need your help, but I like to be with you. Rejoice in that and don't change until I open the doors. You keep trying to kick them down. Why don't you go to a movie or something and let me run the universe..." This must be from the message version of the bible. Or some graphic novel.

Anyway, as I was saying...

There are things I am ultra passionate about. Jesus was pretty passionate too - so at least I'm in really good company. I'm passionate about mentoring & discipleship - I'm passionate about teenagers, especially fatherless boys but also girls - I'm passionate about grace. Lets just look at the bible and see where Jesus drew boxes around people ... oh, he didn't do that? Then why does his church. I'm passionate about taking care of people. I'm passionate about encouraging people to pursue Jesus, know their kids, and take good care of their mental health. I'm passionate about the people of the whole world coming to faith in Christ. my friends in Nepal, India, Haiti. places that have been incredibly closed off. The word of God ... so rich and beautiful... I am especially passionate about my daughters and the 21st century church. My deepest hope and prayer is that as they mature into womanhood, they will see the church as a place they belong. Not in this community necessarily, but somewhere they will find an open niche for their gifting to be used for his Glory.

Or at least that in their home they will :)

Thursday, October 24, 2013

For 48 hours I was heading to haiti

deep and urgent the call was - unmistakable.
so I stepped into the water and I began to walk...
worthiness is not defined by the standards of the world...

and then the edge fell away, and we found the water too deep to continue.

What does a person do with this? I know many (most) see crazy. I see opportunity - pursuit - life.

I know, we prefer things neat and tidy. We prefer savings accounts and retirement funds, logical plans, time. Of all things we prefer time - time to plan, to prepare, to evaluate...

Our unsettled souls desire the speed to distract..
to hide, to escape. 
The Lord says - rest, peace and joy
are found in his purpose. 

One asked, are you at peace?
Absolutely ~ I went to the edge... What was that all about then? So many proper people want to know. Well. I've thought. Perhaps faith? Perhaps relationships? Perhaps deeper awareness? Perhaps simple obedience.

You cannot live without movement, without walking. You cannot stand without risking to fall. Such truth in simplicity.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

psalm 140

This weeks bad theology award is given to the phrase "this too shall pass."

Surely this isn't biblical anyway!

In Psalm 140, David reveals to us, by parallel and pause, that evil is present and deliverance is only found in the Lord. If we do not speak honestly about the truth and the reality of evil we are not speaking honestly about anything - especially about the strength of the Lord to be a deliverer. We are not able to deal correctly and in a healthy way with the daily.

Find a moment of silence to pause today. Don't fear it, but embrace it.  Selah.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


I've been slowly rambling along here.. my thoughts are not as clear as they used to be.

Filters... sometimes mine are more like a kaleidoscope than clear lenses... ever turning the dial to get a different picture... something new to ooh and ahh over, more intent on watching the changing shapes than settling on one and examining it.

last night I was reading the bible, in the book of John.

Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?” Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” (John 6:27-29)


Sunday, September 29, 2013


I'm a lover of psalms. A poetry reading, melancholic, romantic, music on the mind person with a love/hate relationship with people. An impulsive dancing jumping fool.  A words and food and coffee sort of person. a dog person.

The Psalms remind me of David and his rash, imperfect humanness. And they remind me of God and his unfailing, merciful grace and love. They remind me of the singers, of the depth and height and unfathomable. They remind me of Jesus, and Paul, and how Jesus LOVED those disciples who didn't get it but, of course, got it.

I have countless favorites but this is one that I'm drawn to -

Psalm 121
I lift my eyes up to the hills.. (beyond the trees and houses and visible things)
From where does my help come? (not from down here, thats for sure!)
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth. (truth!)

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

giving voice to my dreams

I hate dreaming
Dreaming, like hopes and expectations, is messy and dangerous.

No matter, I find myself a dreamer - so tonight I'll dump them out of my head.

Our dreams of a house in town have been dashed for a season. The stall was good, it allowed us to gain more clarity, that yes, we are to settle in this micro town, and yes, we are to stay. Waiting on the Lord is very very hard. I'm an impatient woman.

When I'm in a spot, a moody, sad stomping depressed sort of spot, psalm 27:4 comes to mind and my longing to sit at the feet of Jesus is amplified. I feel like I've lived enough lifetimes and my only place of rest is too far away.

I dream of a knight in shining armor ..

I dream of being comfortable in my own skin. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

take 3

I've been working on this for a while but it is still barely begun.

drip, pure, drip
separating the good

I roll the ideas around in my mind and think of coffee & of himalayan water.

I ponder further and realize that every moment is filtered... and sometimes the sludge and impurity is where we find ourselves.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Take 2

There will be wars and rumors of wars
It has been said
And here we are
War again knocking on our doors
Keep your oil full and your wicks trimmed
For the day of the Lord comes,
and we
the light,
must stand ready.

But not just stand
Care, and love, the least
The greatest

Our brothers mourn, and we with them
Stay awake, the journey has begun
The world is overcome.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Take 1

new light brightening
a day dawns fresh with wonder
hours lay before me like trails through the forest
some are clearly visible

some wind through the trees
some disappear into the wild  ...

you cannot hear the wind
praise the lord
without crashing through the brush
you cannot rest in the stillness
without a beginning

Friday, April 12, 2013

I've been doing some reading lately, now that I'm back to normal from my overseas whirlwind...
which, I recall, I have not shared about.

I suppose it could be said that the two blend together well. hmm.

now that I've gotten this far, I think I'm going to lay low for a bit. more another season...

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

All In


At the dawning of 2013, we were all discussing our one word. I couldn't come up with one single word to define what I saw coming. I did, however, chose something.


In November, I wrote:
"all to jesus, I surrender"

live all of life... not just moments of spiritual significance but all of life. this is true christian living... the rich young ruler and his sadness ... due to having to give it all away... had it right. How much do we consider this truth?

Pursue Living
And in December:
Eternity is about us like an aura, always present but not quite visible, we see through it much easier than we than we see it... yet it IS there.

Truth is, I think most of our lives we are intentionally looking through eternity. Our fears grip us, keeping us hostage, so we flit about avoiding the truth and swatting it away like one swats flies.

Let us rather see, truly see... Not in anger, but in delight, at every opportunity we receive. Moments which quickly run away if we don't cling to them.

Happy New Year...
I just heard the song "When The Saints" by Sara Groves - the lyrics hit me deep - "I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road, I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load..."

So, all in. committed and pursuing. Life is exhilarating, not easy so much as it is good.... 

Friday, February 1, 2013

Steady Rythyms

never stopping...
woosh and rumble... 
like the seasons...
drip drip...
that bring sparkle and shine...
bling bling...
rest and comfort

so is this season of my life.

I wake, morning by morning, with thoughts of .. what, you ask?

Thoughts of breathing, of surrender, of how today?

There is no day which says "today, no movement" - there is no plan for this in all planning. It is always, and forever, seize this day, for you never know.
Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps. As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept. But at midnight there was a cry, Here is the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.  Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said to the wise, Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out. But the wise answered, saying, Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves. And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, Lord, lord, open to us. But he answered, Truly, I say to you, I do not know you. Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.
How easily we forget the simplest of blessings. Our life is but a moment,  a flash in a term we call "eternity" - with eternity burned in our hearts, and the hope of heaven secure, what is it that causes us to be foolish and to slumber?

I know I do. Daily, hourly even.

Its certainly simple when I am in context - but in the daily?

And so, I pray. And seek, and hope, and wonder. Thankful that each little bit I am able to offer is more than enough, with my eyes fixed on the one who calls me ...