Saturday, March 12, 2016

Lessons from the cat

Our oldest moved out two weeks ago but left behind her furniture and cat.. The idea is to come back for it all just as soon as things are arranged...

At first we were not keenly thrilled with the idea of the cat, as there had been some challenges with his training and I'm not a fan of indoor animal cleanup.. however, the cat almost immediately responded when left with us, and is doing excellent.

The lessons I'm learning from the cat are varied, but today I'm thinking of one thing in particular. Cats love napping. And generally their favorite place to nap is on someones lap (or next to it.) Every morning I get up and the cat starts to follow me around, which is rather neat and makes me feel special, but it only occurred to me this morning what the real deal is.

He is waiting for me to sit down so he can sit with me. 

It took me two weeks to slow down enough to evaluate and be honest about the truth.

Sitting down is not something I'm good at. In honestly, I'm usually a flutter of activity that doesn't stop until I lay down at the end of the day. Of course I sit at my desk at work, and that is where I spend much of my day, but at home I don't pause. In the world I don't pause.

So whats the solution?
I certainly cannot and will not guilt myself or shame myself. This is the year to ban negative self talk from my mind. Rather than saying "I should," I simply need to be honest with myself and remind myself of what I find joy in.

Ah, joy and happiness. Complex things we rush for, strive for, but perhaps don't always identify.

I find joy in the bible, in prayer, in singing, in walking with my dog, in being with my girls doing something they love, in reading a good book, in cooking a meal, in talking with friends over a meal. I find joy in my work and in the public sphere when I'm solving problems and helping people..and I am finding that I enjoy being with Jake when we are doing life together - walking together, watching the same show, or eating at the same place/time.

Here's to more Rurouni Kenshin with Emily, driving with Sarah with the radio on, and meals with Jake. Here's to an honest look at the calendar to find time to read some of these great books I'm piling up (currently reading Start With Why and its pretty dang good.) Here's a quote in line with this "Every instruction we give, every course of action we set, every result we desire, starts with the same thing: a decision." And of course, here's to spring, which brings more time for walking outdoors and opportunities to pause with friends over a beverage or a meal.

The cat, his name is Winston by the way, finds joy in being with us. He love to nap, to watch, and to be a moderate pest. He is inquisitive, even though he isn't a kitten, and he has certainly won us all over. He will be missed when she comes to collect him, but I hope the lessons we are all learning from our time with him will remain with us. Thank you to my daughter for the opportunity!

Thursday, January 21, 2016

39th year

This is my 39th year.

I haven't yet had my birthday, but I'm living like I have.

I remember so many people of long ago, as they were approaching 40. Forty... It seemed like an impossible number at 10, and today, at 38.6 it still seems impossible.

I told a friend today that I only feel 30. 

And so it goes..

The three decided not to halt time and are growing up. The eldest has a moving out date all arranged... all that has to happen is the date to appear. The middle has her college sights set and is doing much .. and the youngest, she is determined to shine, as she has ever since birth...

My best friend, my beautiful dog Asia, is geriatric. Someday she will not be my walking partner, and I will weep for a time...

The king and I, we are talking of "when the girls are gone" and "the next 30 years" as if we have any more clue now than we did at 19, when this all began.

I'm hopeful for their lifeskills, praying daily for their daily... longing for jesus as I know this crazy world isn't getting any more sane.

I think about that 10 year old looking at those old people like they are crazy. I know the truth, that they are crazy, and yet they keep on, because at 40 you don't care about the world like you did at 10.

So how am I living like I'm 39? Great question. I'm doing a terrain race - I'm hiking the South Sister - I've started seeing a naturopath and I'm taking better care of my health -  and I'm going to spend a weekend or two in silent retreat this year on the encouragement of dear friend.

I'm almost at the point where I can write...