Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Its been a long time......

It's been such a long time since I've been here. I am working on a project for myself, writing the skeleton of my book.

12 days post op, need a haircut!
And I'm recovering from surgery. I have a healing scar on my neck as a result of a two level ADR - I have two Mobi-C artificial discs now, between C5/6 an C6/7. I'm a new woman!

Where to begin?

In my recent mental ramblings I've been pondering the concept of identity. Nothing new for me, but I'm learning more and more how vital our identity is to our faith, maturity, and relationships. The hinge points for maturity are identity and truth - Who I believe myself to be dictates how I engage the world, and the truth I believe sets my moral compass.

For me, I can recall a distinct point in my life when I started to adopt the truths I had been learning and hearing and considering for so long. I was in my mid/late 20's, and I was essentially crashing into adulthood - yes, late, considering Jake and I were parents long before this time.

For a while I considered myself to be an adult but in reality acted like an overgrown teenager. I had issues from my life, acted like a victim at times, my wants and pleasures were self focused for the most part, and I as often people pleasing and looking for validation or approval. Not that I was able to articulate all that, but it is what was going on.

One day I realized this. This had a lot to do with some great friends but I woke up and realized that I didn't really have a healthy frame of mind. I needed help!

Between good friends, good counselors, the bible, other books, and my journal - I began to identify areas where I could see room for improvement. Its been quite a journey but I'm now about 10 years in and I'm so glad!

Identity. Who you believe yourself to be will shape your actions, goals, and motivations. For example. When my youngest was 1-1/2, I went to the doctor and she told me that I weighed 235 pounds. Still. In my mind I knew I wasn't a healthy weight, and I probably knew what that weight was, and I didn't really like it, but I didn't think I could do anything about it. I thought I was either going to suddenly lose weight, like so many women I know after babies, or I was just going to be like this forever. It took a doctor pointing it out to me to help me see that I wasn't on a good track. I had to believe that I could actually make the changes necessary to lose the weight and find health. My goal? To be a great mom with energy for grandkids someday. Nothing ridiculous. My secondary goal? To accept the fact that I have a genetic disposition and I wanted to turn that tide. SO. Not really numbers but truths, and I then embarked on a journey.

I heard the truth, believed I could do something, and began to fill my mind with new information.
It took determination, a consistent stream of truth to replace the wants in my head, and a goal.

For all out there working on this and possibly inspired, here is my grand method. One, eat small meals periodically, don't starve/binge as that kills your metabolism and your mood.  Two, cut out all fast food, processed foods, liquid calories, pizza and ice cream (my weaknesses!) Three, move a little (or just a little more). For me I chose to get an exercise bike. I had kids and couldn't leave them. But I was able to go in my room for 20 minutes when Jake was home to ride the bike. When I was able, I moved on to a real bike and went out for a ride around the block. Didn't cost much, and since we didn't have much, it was a win! Probably saved money by not eating junk too :)

Today I'm consistently about 150. Not the BMI weight of my height, but close enough. I have energy, well, when I'm not recovering from surgery! I mostly walk my dog and keep tabs on my eating. Its a pretty simple method! I still have to keep my mind fed with truth, because I really like food, and I don't think food is the issue, my self control is.

Truth & Identity. They go hand in hand, really. Since I believe that I was created by God, and he loves me, I can believe that I am His and He has a good plan for me. I am able to keep living and growing because I love Him and believe this, because it is true! He created me, loves me, has a plan for me, and it is GOOD. If I stop feeding my mind the truth, though, I become like my heavier self, I lose self control and focus, my wants overcome me, and I feel sick later.

Who do you believe you are?

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